Are You Allergic To The Truth?—Part 3

by Doc Orman, M.D.

Allergic To Truth Part 3

In my previous post this week, I continued to discuss the topic of people who sometimes respond as if they have an allergy to the truth.  If you missed this last post or the one before it, here are the links:

Are You Allergic To The Truth—Part 1

Are You Allergic To The Truth—Part 2

I was inspired to publish this series of posts by a person who left a negative review on Amazon about one of my recent Kindle books called The Art Of True Forgiveness: How To Forgive Anyone, For Anything, Anytime You Want.

Here again is the full review:

“The way to deal with forgiving one who has wronged you is NOT to call what they did something other than what it really is. That is playing mind games. Wrong is wrong, always was and always will be.”

I found this review interesting because:

  • The book is not at all about calling something other than it really is—it’s actually about connecting very deeply with what truly did happen and ultimately being able to call it exactly what it was.
  • The book is not about playing mind games—it’s about understanding how your mind is already playing games with you (prior to reading the book) and how your mind is keeping you from being able to tell the truth and thereby reconnect with your natural ability to truly forgive.
  • Wrong is not always wrong, never has been and never will be.

I also pointed out that the mindset about rightness, wrongness, and forgiveness that this reviewer clearly has is exactly the mindset that keeps millions of people from being able to truly forgive.

What Is This Anti-Forgiveness Mindset?

Quite simply, it is the mindset that rightness and wrongness are immutable facts of life…that they are qualities inherent in acts or events themselves…not acts of human creation, human invention, and human assessment.

Nothing that occurs is ever inherently right or wrong.  Events simply take on these qualities when we either consciously or unconsciously judge them.

You see, as human beings we have adopted certain socially-endorsed criteria and standards that we’ve agreed to use as filters to judge events through.  So it is we who are generating whatever “realities” about rightness and wrongness we perceive.

And you need to know this if you want to be able to truly forgive.

On the other hand, if you stick to the more common but incorrect mindset that rightness and wrongness (especially wrongness) are inherent qualities of events themselves, then there is no room at all for flexibility or reconsideration.  There is no possibility for you to change your mind or expand your viewpoint. 

In other words, there is no way for you to ever see a “wrongful act” as being anything other than absolutely wrongful.  And when you can’t see past events in any other way, you can’t truly forgive no matter how hard you try. 

Sure you can try not to think about the past event or try to consciously put it behind you and move ahead, but deep down inside you will still be holding on to the pain (and resentment) of being wronged.

Wayne Dyer Said It Best

The secret to knowing how to truly forgive is to be able to honestly evaluate your conclusion that you were wronged in the first place.  It is not to lie to yourself about what really happened, nor is it to simply try and convince yourself that something you view as wrong really is right—when you don’t truly believe this. 

It is to penetrate the cloud of social discourse and misunderstanding and eventually be able to tell the truth about what really happened at the deepest level possible.  Usually, when you are successful at doing this, you will see past events differently, and you will honestly know that the way you originally looked at them and felt about them was not really consistent with the truth about how or why they actually occurred.

In one of his many popular books, You’ll See It When You Believe It, psychologist Wayne Dyer comments about forgiveness as follows: 

“Learning to forgive involves learning to correct the misperceptions you have created with your own thoughts. Once you have your thoughts clear….you will get yourself to the point where forgiveness is no longer something you must practice.” (p.249)

Dyer also points out:

“The belief that others should not have treated us the way they did is, of course, the ultimate absurdity. The universe is always working just the way it is supposed to, and so is everything in it, even the things that we have judged to be wrong, improper, cruel, and painful for us and others……Instead of being angry at the way we were treated, regardless of how horrible we’ve assessed it to be, we need to learn to view that treatment from another perspective. They did what they knew how to do, given the conditions of their lives.” (p.249)

I hope you found this series of posts this week worth your time to read.  I also hope they’ve stimulated you to look at your views about forgiveness and possibly see them in a new or different light.  Please feel free to leave any comments you might have below.

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