How Do You View Stress? (Part 3)

by Doc Orman, M.D.

How Do You View Stress (Part 3)This week, I’ve been talking about one of the biggest causes of stress in our lives, and in our society, that most people almost never recognize—Failing To Relate To Our Stress As FEEDBACK.   

This goes hand-in-hand with our socially conditioned tendency to view everything in life as either “going right” or “going wrong.”  When we feel stressed, we’ve been taught to believe things are “going wrong,” and when we are happy and not feeling stressed, we believe things are “going right.”

This “going right/going wrong” dichotomy is so ingrained within us, that we take it for granted and almost never give it a second thought.  However, as I pointed out in my second post in this series, when we are feeling stressed, we don’t have to remain trapped within the automatic assessment that things are “going wrong.”  Instead, we can choose to adopt a “feedback” perspective and assume that life is going exactly the way it should be going whenever we are thinking or behaving in ways that are not very productive.

Failure Is A Fairy Tale

When things aren’t going as you might like in your life, there’s a very strong tendency for you to consider that something must be “failing.”  Either you are failing, other people are failing, or life itself must be failing, in some way, to give you what you want.

The problem with looking at your life in this way is that it’s a disempowering story (or fairy tale) that people frequently tell themselves.  When you view life or yourself as “not working,” you immediately surrender a certain amount of your power.  There’s a negative mindset that comes along with this story, and it often makes you feel unable to have what you want.  In some cases, it can even cause you to conclude that having what you want is not really possible.

On the other hand, adopting a “feedback” perspective is much more affirmative. It doesn’t suggest that you are not capable, nor does it say that achieving what you want (happiness, success, finding a job, playing better golf, etc.) is not really possible.

YOU Are In The Driver’s Seat

Rather, when you adopt a “feedback” perspective, it puts YOU back in the driver’s seat.  After all, if not getting what you want is primarily due to your own lack of knowing how to interact with life more effectively, then all you have to do is acquire some additional skills, knowledge, or support, and bingo—you’re on the road to future success.

Does this mean that success will definitely come, or that it will always come easily?  Certainly not.  Does it mean you will easily be able to determine exactly what skills, knowledge, or types of support might be missing, and that you might need to acquire?  No, again.

But you are now in the hunt, and you are positioned positively and not negatively.

Living With Little Or No Stress

Take the idea of living your life with little or no stress.  Do you know how many people have totally given up on this goal?  They have already concluded that this isn’t possible (i.e. it’s either a failure of life or a failure of themselves, but mostly the former).

If, on the other hand, they would reject this “failure” story and adopt a “feedback” perspective instead, they would then be empowered to explore self-actualizing questions such as:

  • What’s flawed about my thinking about stress that might be keeping me from learning how to overcome it?
  • What myths have I bought into about stress, or about myself as a human being, that might be holding me back?
  • What strategies do I have for dealing with stress, and just how good are they?
  • Are there other, better strategies for dealing with stress that I don’t currently know about, or that I haven’t yet learned to apply?
  • Who are the people who could help me learn how to deal with my stress more successfully?
  • If I do accept the premise that I could live life without much stress, am I willing to commit to do whatever it might take for me to find out how to do this?

You see, this is the real difference between going with the automatic, socially-accepted notion that things “just aren’t working” vs. adopting a “feedback” perspective, which means that “life is always working— just the way it should.”

So if you aren’t getting what you want from life, you must not be thinking in the right ways or behaving in the right ways to achieve it (assuming what you want is humanly possible to achieve).

Well, this brings us to the end of this three-part series on how the way you think about stress makes a huge difference to how well you are able to deal with it. Stay tuned for another set of three new blog posts next week, and if you feel like leaving a comment below, please do so.

Special FREE Download Gift!

Free Downloadable Four-Book Stress Relief Library

To get your own complete download of this entire four-book Stress Relief Secrets REVEALED library, go to http://beststresshelp.com and download it right now. Also, when you get these four PDF e-books on your computer, don’t just let them sit there! Don’t promise yourself that you’ll eventually get around to reading them later. That usually doesn’t work, and it’s very likely you will never, ever get around to reading them. And the information they contain is way too valuable and useful for you to miss out on any of it.

Once you do download these four e-books, I’m going to send you an email every day, for the next seven days, to support you in reading them all.

Go to http://beststresshelp.com right now and submit your best email address. Then, you’ll get an email asking you to confirm your intentions. When this email arrives (if you don’t see it within 10-15 minutes, check your spam folder), please click on the highlighted link and you’ll go directly to the download page, where all four e-books can be downloaded as one composite .zip file.

Best wishes and happy reading (and learning)!

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