How To Have A Stress-Free Wedding—Part 2

by Doc Orman, M.D.

How To Have A Stress Free Wedding Part 2This week, I am focusing on how to have a stress-free wedding.

If you believe that certain things in life, like planning a wedding, are going to be stressful no matter what you do, this post and the next one on Friday may not be for you. 

In my first post in this three-part series, I shared some examples from my own wedding 29 years ago that could have been very stressful.  But they weren’t.  As I pointed out: 

“Despite all these problems, challenges, and unexpected events, we actually experienced very little stress. I know this sounds impossible, but it’s true. Both Christina (a veterinarian) and I (a physician) relied very heavily upon a few basic principles that helped us cope very effectively.  These important principles are not widely taught in most stress management programs available today. Yet they are extremely valuable and potent principles which we still use in our lives every day.” 

What These Principles Are Not 

Let me first give you an example of what these principles are not.  Here’s a short video (4 minutes) that represents some typical wedding stress advice you can find almost anywhere.  Please watch this short video and then I will tell you why I think this type of advice is not very helpful. 

 

The problem with this type of advice is that much of it (but not all of it) is directed at symptoms and not at root causes.  On the other hand, the best way to deal with any type of stress, including wedding stress, is to identify root causes and deal with these causes successfully.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I think all of the tips in this video are good ones that can help to reduce some parts of wedding stress.  But they don’t go far enough. And they don’t encourage you to focus on what is driving your wedding stress in the first place. 

Planning a wedding is like training to run a marathon.  If you any flaws in your running mechanics, or in your ability to stick to a plan, or in your ability to deal with obstacles or unexpected circumstances, these flaws will be exacerbated by the higher level of demands you have just taken on. 

In the same way, when you become engaged and begin to plan your wedding, your honeymoon, and the rest of your married life, any flaws in your:

  • communication skills,
  • organization skills,
  • emotional self-control skills,
  • ability to negotiate with others,
  • ability to manage expectations (yours as well as others),
  • ability to spot other internal causes of stress 

will also become magnified.

The principles I alluded to that my wife and I used to deal with all the challenges we faced while planning our wedding were not the kinds of principles you saw offered in the video.  They were more like principles that lead to greater self-awareness and better internal self-control which, in my opinion, are much more powerful and  stress-relieving than the typical advice we normally receive. 

In my next and final post in this series, I will tell you more about these principles and the book Christina and I wrote years ago to share some of these stress-relieving skills with others.     

NOTE:  To receive a free weekly digest of all future posts on this blog, sent directly to your email every Sunday, please use the sign up form at the top of this page.

Also, if you’d like to view all of my stress relief Kindle books on Amazon, simply click on the link below:

http://ormanstressrelief.com/kindlebooks

 

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