Learning How To Forgive: What’s Missing From Forgiveness Advice Today?

by Doc Orman, M.D.

How To Forgive Part 1This week, I’m going to focus all three of my blog posts on the topic of true forgiveness.

Much has been said and written about forgiveness throughout the ages. It’s been the subject of religious texts dating all the way back to ancient times.  It is frequently addressed in modern personal growth courses.  And you can also find many popular self-help books devoted entirely to this subject and which promise to teach you how to learn to forgive.

Lots Of Advice…Little True Forgiveness

Despite all this advice, however, most people still find it very difficult to forgive.

While we may often say the words “I forgive you” or “let’s just forget the past and move on,” still deep within our hearts we find it difficult to truly let go of all the anger and blame we might feel against someone.

This can result in ongoing personal suffering that, for some, continues throughout their entire lifetime.  It can result in deep-seated anger or resentment that can damage your health, rob you of enjoyment, diminish your happiness, and continue to poison your relationships with others.

It’s not much fun to go through life feeling angry and resentful about anything in your past. But as much as you might want to get rid of these lingering negative feelings, you’ve probably found it very hard to make them go away. 

Learning How To Forgive

In order to learn how to forgive, you must learn how to truly let go of any anger or resentment (chronic anger) that has built up within you.  It’s not enough to simply want to forgive.  It’s not enough just to say the words “I forgive you” or to try very hard to block out any pain or resentment from your conscious awareness.

You have to truly forgive and let go of the past.  But most people find learning to forgive very difficult for two main reasons:

  • They don’t understand what “letting go” really means.
  • They don’t understand what is causing their anger in the first place.

These two things are intimately connected.  You can’t really “let go” of your anger if you don’t know what is really causing it to occur.  And once you do fully understand what is continuing to drive your persistent feelings of anger and blame, you’ll discover that truly forgiving is not all that difficult to do.

This is what’s lacking with most forgiveness advice today—a full and clear understanding of what is really driving your anger and blame to occur in the first place.

New Forgiveness Success Guide 

The Art Of True Forgiveness Kindle book

For a limited time (Mon 4/15/13 through Friday 4/19/13) you can download this new Kindle book for free on Amazon. Just click here.









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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Tammy Kevwitch January 16, 2013 at 10:06 AM

This forgiveness guide was eye-opening for me. I’ve been involved with mental health as a consumer and advocate for several years and I’ve never been exposed to this simple, effective way to free myself of the residual anger and hurt leftover from lots of abuse.

I’ve wanted to forgive, but wanting isn’t enough. I needed this explanation about what really happens when we feel these feelings in order to discharge and let go of them. Thanks Doc Orman!


Doc Orman, M.D. January 16, 2013 at 8:35 PM

Tammy: Thanks for your very kind feedback. I’m really pleased that the guide was helpful to you. Doc


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